May 2005, Part 2: Slavery
May 12 2005: Hello Kitty
The past couple of entries, detailing how I lost my bet with Mistress Yoko and ended up her (gulp) permanent slave, were so long that I've moved them to the archives and started a fresh page. The archived page is here, if you want to read it. A lot of people do, apparently... according to my server logs, there's been a big spike in visits to this site in the past few days, so I guess a lot of people are enjoying my humiliation. Argh! Haven't received any reader commentary on the situation yet, though...
Being Mistress Yoko's slave is turning out to be much more than I'd bargained for. I mean, I only made that bet in the first place because I was 100% sure I'd win. But if I'd known what it would really mean to be owned by Mistress Yoko -- just how real and full-time she was going to make my slavery, and how much impact on my daily life it was going to have -- I don't think I would ever have risked falling into her power like this, even as confident as I was. I've done a lot of D/s play in my life, D/s play has been my entire sex life for 20 years, but there's something about this that tops it all (so to speak). No one has ever done anything like this to me before.
Remember the Hello Kitty panties that I was forced to wear during my punishment on Sunday? Well, after Neige finally untied me and left on Sunday night, one of the emails from Mistress Yoko that was waiting on my computer for me informed me that from now on, pink Hello Kitty panties were the only undies I was permitted to wear! And Mistress Yoko really knows how to make her orders "effective immediately": it turned out that sometime during the half hour that I had been left tied up in front of the computer earlier that day, Neige had gone through my bureau and my laundry, "confiscated" every last pair of my panties, and stocked my underwear drawer with two dozen identical pairs of Hello Kitty panties!
Yes, Neige actually took my entire lovely collection of panties away with her when she left. Mistress Yoko has hinted that at some point in the future I might be given a chance to "earn" them back... but I shudder to think what that might entail! This is the worst, most humiliating, scariest thing about being at the mercy of Mistress Yoko: her playful sense of cruel humor. Mere cruelty, I could handle... what gets to me is how much fun she's having at my expense! It's her cheerful amusement about the whole thing that makes it so unbearably humiliating. Having to wear Hello Kitty panties every day of my life, everywhere I go, is humiliating enough to begin with... and the fact that it means I'm reminded of my slavery every time I get dressed or undressed, or go to the bathroom, makes it even worse... but knowing that Mistress Yoko is getting a good laugh out of the whole thing... imagining the cheerfully amused smile she's probably got on her face when she types her orders or contemplates my wretched situation...
Argh. I can't even bear to write about it anymore right now. I'm so embarrassed about these damn panties that I wasn't going to write about it at all... but of course, Mistress Yoko ordered me to; she wants everyone to know that I'm wearing Hello Kitty panties all the time now as a symbol of my subservience to her. Argh.
May 17 2005: Slavery, Part One
Having to wear Hello Kitty panties is not the only ongoing torment that I must live with on a daily basis as part of my slavery. That humiliating change in my wardrobe was just the first order that Mistress Yoko gave me after my terrible evening of punishment on the 8th, and it was the first one that I wrote about here because I was so embarrassed and indignant about it that of course Mistress Yoko ordered me to write about it immediately. You might think that making me wear Hello Kitty panties every day of my life would be enough torment… but if you did think that, you wouldn’t be thinking like Mistress Yoko: she’s the sort who really knows how to take advantage of life’s opportunities for enjoyment, and having me at her mercy is clearly an opportunity that she plans to enjoy to the fullest! Which is bad news for me!
So, while I was thinking that the bit with the Hello Kitty panties was taking this slavery business too far, Mistress Yoko was just getting started… a couple of days after the wrestling match, I got an email from Mistress Yoko that said:
I'd like to remind you that as a condition of the bet, you had promised to be my slave permanently. (That's a mighty long time.) While you are my slave, little girl, you will keep your privates shaved for me as a reminder that you are mine.
This was, of course, quite distressing to me, as you can tell from my panicked reply:
You can't mean that I'm supposed to keep myself shaved all the time from now on! That's too much! It's so sensitive when it's shaved that just feeling it against the fabric of my panties drives me crazy! I can't live like that all the time! The panties are one thing, but this is just more than I can accept! Please think about it, Mistress... I can hide the Hello Kitty face on my panties at the gym by keeping my back to people when I change, but how can I hide my shaved privates when I shower at the gym? I won't be able to shower after my workouts at all while it's shaved! And what about doctor and gynecologist appointments? I sure won't be able to hide it there! Come on, Mistress, you can't do that to me!
Unfortunately, she can do this to me, as she was quick to point out:
You're the one who made the bet, darling! I won, and I determine the conditions! And by the way, this whole conversation is worth about five Mistress Disrespect Points, so you'll be paying for this insubordination!
So for an excruciating nine days now, I’ve been in a constant state of arousal from the constant slight rubbing of my shaved you-know-what against the fabric of my Hello Kitty panties (the cheap cotton of which is somewhat rougher than the silk I’d grown accustomed to). It’s driving me crazy! I hope I can get used to it with time, so that I’m not so constantly distracted by arousal! Meanwhile, frequent masturbation has become a necessity, and long workdays are sheer torture! And it was a big mistake to tell Mistress Yoko how much it drove me crazy… why on earth did I imagine that this would convince her not to do it to me? I won’t even tell you how she teases me about it now…
I’ve also had to rearrange my daily routine a bit, because I have to go straight home after I’m done at the gym: I hate going around unshowered after a workout, but I’m too embarrassed to shower at the gym with my privates shaved. And, yes, I’m making sure that in the locker room I change quickly with my back to anyone else who’s around, to hide the Hello Kitty face on the front of my panties. Jeez, it’s like being a body-shy teenager all over again!
Neige is going to be dropping by my apartment now and then to hold “inspections,” to make sure that I’m wearing my Hello Kitty panties and that I’m shaved smooth underneath them. She’s come by twice already. These inspections are quite humiliating: Neige makes herself at home, and I’m required to strip naked in front of her and hold whatever poses she asks me to, while she examines my body in detail, squeezing and pinching various parts and rubbing her hand all over my crotch to check its smoothness. She says that in addition to making sure I’m shaved, she’s also going to be making sure, in these inspections, that I stay in the great physical condition I’m in right now… there will be penalties if she notices that I’m “getting soft.” After the inspection, I have to remain naked until she leaves… the first time, she gave me a spanking from Mistress Yoko, “a preview of future punishments,” and then I had to serve her a drink. The second time, I had to kneel on the floor naked and watch her type an email to Mistress Yoko reporting on the inspection in embarrassing detail. Both times, because I passed the inspection (and believe me, I don’t ever plan to find out what would happen if I failed one), I was “rewarded” by being forced to bring myself to orgasm while Neige watched… I don’t know if that was Neige’s idea or Mistress Yoko’s, but it’s just like both of them to make even my rewards thoroughly humiliating!
There’s more about my slavery that I’ve been ordered to write about, but I have to go to work now (for another excruciating day of desperately needing to get home to relieve my arousal). Part Two coming soon.
May 18 2005: Slavery, Part Two
Besides the Hello Kitty panties, the shaving, and Neige’s regular visits to inspect and punish and/or “reward” me, there’s one more important aspect of my slavery that I’ve been ordered to mention, and it’s a big one. In the same email in which she ordered me to keep myself shaved, Mistress Yoko said:
Since you are mine, you are not allowed to have any other sexual partners except for Neige and Valkyrie, since they're helping me out. I'm not loaning out my property to some stranger.
Yes… this is huge. As she’s made abundantly clear, Mistress Yoko is quite serious about her ownership of me. I wouldn’t dare ever try to disobey this order behind her back, either… it would be too easy for Neige to catch me at it, especially because the only way I’m able to hook up with the kind of partners I’m interested in is via certain online personals sites, and Neige and Valkyrie both know which ones and could easily check them and catch me if I ever put another ad up. (Not that I would ever disobey you even if I thought I could get away with it, Mistress! Just pointing out why I couldn’t get away with it even if I weren’t so obedient!) With Mistress Yoko, Neige, and Valkyrie dominating me, I’m doing all the bottoming I can handle anyway, and then some… but Mistress Yoko’s order of faithfulness means that I won’t be topping anymore… my whole sex life will now consist of being the bottom, all the time.
Since I can’t have any partners besides Neige and Valkyrie, and since Neige and Valkyrie both give Mistress Yoko the final word in what they do with me or don’t do with me, this also means that, apart from masturbation, I am entirely dependent on Mistress Yoko for all of my sexual gratification. My entire sex life, from now on, happens at the whim of Mistress Yoko… I get sexual activity when she wants me to, and only when she wants me to, and only in the ways that she wants me to. She really does own me sexually, in a much bigger way than I'd bargained for.
It’s taken much of the past week for this to really sink in. Now that it has, I’m really starting to feel what it means to be a slave… I’ve never felt anything quite like this before… I’m very intimidated by my Mistress now, very scared of displeasing her.
I must admit that I’m also kind of admiring and envious of her. I would love to be able to do to another woman what she’s doing to me… as indignantly as I’ve protested the humiliations and cruelties that Mistress Yoko has inflicted upon me, I have to admit that I’d be just as cruel, and have just as much fun with it, if I were in her position (I’d like to think I’d be as creative about it, too… but Mistress Yoko’s creativity would be pretty tough to match). But I guess it’s natural for a slave to feel some envy for her Mistress, isn’t it?
My Mistress has also instructed me to tell my readers how happy I am to be her slave, and that it is an honor and a pleasure to serve and obey her.
May 20 2005: Thoughts After Another Inspection
You know when my ochlophobia (that’s “fear of crowds”) is the most frustrating to me? It’s whenever a new Star Wars movie comes out. I’m a huge Star Wars fan. Have been since 1977. I love Star Wars so much that I even loved Phantom Menace. But thanks to the joys of ochlophobia, I never get to see a new Star Wars movie opening day, or even opening week. As far as I’m concerned, the fact that this is the last time I’ll have to deal with that particular frustration is the one bit of silver lining to the woeful fact that there won’t be any more new Star Wars movies after this one.
Neige came by to subject me to another inspection this evening, and of course she made sure to mention that while I was at home being humiliated on my Mistress’ orders, my Mistress was out seeing the new Star Wars movie. Argh. That’s almost as bad as my first inspection, last Tuesday, when it turned out that my Mistress was out at the opera while I was being inspected! The opera! There’s just something about that… imagining Mistress Yoko at the opera, formally dressed and no doubt looking utterly grand and stunning on the arm of her boyfriend… and at some point it crosses her mind that at that moment, many miles away, I am naked and squirming in humiliation because she decreed that it should be so… and she has a little private smile of amusement at my expense, adding yet another touch of pleasure to the marvelous evening she’s having… Argh. Imagining that really rubs it in… makes my slavery much more humiliating…
And of course, I can’t help but imagine that sort of thing all the time… every time I put on my Hello Kitty panties, or get a shiver of unexpected sensation because of the sensitivity of my shaved privates, and every time I’m naked now, I imagine Mistress Yoko’s teasing comments, imagine her smiling at the knowledge of what she’s able to do to me…
And of course, it makes it even worse that I can’t help but admire and envy her in her triumph over me… Thinking about her at the opera… I mean, Jeez, that’s some serious class and style she’s got! What a great life… opera, fun trips to lovely places, boyfriend, talent, good looks, kickass martial arts skills… and now her very own slave! Wow.
And a message just for my Mistress: Mistress, Neige has ordered me to tell you that she made me do that thing that Valkyrie suggested again as part of my “reward,” and that the results were even more intense than last time (*blush*).