July 2004
July 8 2004
My life is quiet. Still sticking to my workout schedule, still spending a lot of time reading. A lot of time alone... the good kind of alone. Still not very inspired to write, but working bit by bit on the latest bondage memoir. Still hoping for more reader contributions. Got a really fun story from a sweet Israeli guy (hi, Guli) that I might post someday, but I've decided that first I want to post some stories from women.
Many of the best contributions to the Big Memorial Day Bet came from girls, and in retrospect I share Valkyrie's delight at this display of Kinky Girl Power, even though it was at my expense. While I want all my wonderful male readers to continue to feel welcome, I want to give precedence to Girl Stories. The sleepover setting of my own true bondage confessions has inspired me: I'm hoping to eventually have a story section on this site that had the flavor of one of those giggly, girls-only sleepover true-confessions sessions. I will post good stories from male readers, but only after the girly tone is established enough that I know it will hold up in the face of a little male energy.
On the other hand, I'll post artwork from anyone. The more the better. I'm a total artwork slut: you send it, and I'll find a place for it.
One of the best proverbs I've ever heard: Old Cutter John did a blog entry on June 28th entitled "Even Damnation is Poisoned with Rainbows." I want it to be the title of one of the hit songs in Broadway's first Goth musical.
I've been exchanging emails with Valkyrie, and she sends her love to all of you. There's something we've been discussing that I think you'll all find quite amusing, which I'll write about next time... too sleepy now...
July 9 2004
Well, actually it’s still July 8... but I dated yesterday’s entry July 8 because I posted it after midnight... so I had to date this one July 9 so that I could change the “Current Blog” date on the home page, so that you’d know that there was a new entry to read. I lead a complicated life.
Valkyrie and I were exchanging emails, and, being an evil bitch, she was teasing me about the Big Memorial Day Bet. And I admitted that it hadn’t been the smartest bet I’d ever made, because there’d been no way for me to win. Basically, she was betting that I’d lose in a big way (as I ended up doing), and I was betting that I’d only lose a little bit. It’s like making a bet where if your friend wins, you give her $20, and if you win you only give her $5. It was a bet where Valkyrie risked nothing.
Having realized that, of course, there was only one thing to do: dare her to a little rematch, in which she actually stood a chance of losing.
This bet isn’t a repeat of the last one. For one thing, Valkyrie gets back from her summer travels in early August, and shortly after that she’s moving to San Diego. So all we’ve got time for, this time, is a single day. For another thing, we wanted to come up with something new. But of course, we both agreed that we had to include some way for you readers to be involved.
So here’s the game: last time, dear readers, you got to decide what Valkyrie got to do to me. This time, what you get to decide is whether it’s me or Valkyrie in charge.
Here’s how to play: all you need to do is send one single email to Valkyrie at celticwarriorbitch@yahoo.com. This email must be entitled “My Vote.”
All you really need to write in your email is either my name or Valkyrie’s... whichever one of us you want to win (i.e., to be the top).
Valkyrie (who is pretty honorable about these things) swears that she will not open any emails that bear the title “My Vote.” This is why the title is important: if it’s not titled “My Vote,” she’ll assume that it’s okay for her to open right away.
All of the emails entitled “My Vote” will sit unopened in Valkyrie’s inbox until the day of the bet (early August, like I said... I’ll announce it here when the date is set). On that day, Valkyrie and Neige will come over to my place (yes, Neige has agreed to join us again, to assist whoever the winner is). Valkyrie will log into her email account from my computer, and then Neige will handcuff both me and Valkyrie to heavy pieces of furniture. Neige will open all the “My Vote” emails, count the votes, and un-cuff whoever won. And then the fun begins.
The bit with the handcuffing, by the way, is to make sure that if Valkyrie loses, she doesn’t chicken out. She’s so much stronger than me and Neige that if she tried to renege, there wouldn’t be anything we could do about it unless she was already secured. And if Valkyrie’s getting handcuffed in advance, then I have to be handcuffed as well, because otherwise if I lost I could renege and try to prevent Neige from releasing Valkyrie.
We won’t be depending on reader suggestions this time... all we need from you is your vote. I certainly don’t need any help thinking of things to do with a tied and helpless Valkyrie... as you might imagine, it’s a subject I’ve already given a lot of thought. But you online friends of mine who got to know Valkyrie a bit during the Big Memorial Day Bet are invited to write to me, separately from your vote, if there are any little greetings or “gifts” you’d like me to pass on to her when I win. Keep in mind that, because of Valkyrie’s superior size and strength, I won’t be able to risk untying her, so there are things she could do with me (like bringing me over to the computer to write a blog entry) that I can’t do with her... she’s got to stay tied to the bed the whole time. Limiting, but not too limiting... and it’s a good excuse to deny her a pee break!
Just as the Big Memorial Day Bet addressed the interesting question of how willing you readers would be to cross the line from spectating to participating, this rematch also raises an interesting question: basically, I’m betting that the majority of you will base your decision on the very sound idea that “turnabout is fair play.” Valkyrie, on the other hand, is betting that you’re terribly mean and unfair. But we’ll show her, won’t we?
July 10 2004
From an email discussion with Yoko:
Yoko (in reference to this latest bet of mine):
I gotta hand it to you, Lila-- you've got spunk.Me:
Do I? I don't know if this is spunk, exactly... It's just that at this point I'm willing to risk just about anything for a shot at having Valkyrie at my mercy for a few hours...
From a discussion in the Comments section of Geminica’s blog:
Geminica (in reference to Neal Stephenson’s The Diamond Age):
I dig the whole concept of "truly" interactive books.Me:
I want interactive erotica!Geminica:
Lila, you are interactive erotica!Me:
Hee hee... I hadn't thought of it that way! I guess I am... especially when I make foolish bets...Yoko:
I agree that Lila creates her own interactive erotica. Really-- maybe you should publish a "Choose your own erotic adventure" story.Me:
I'm hoping to get more of the creative interactivity where people send me art and writing inspired by my writing. It could build on itself: someone submits a story, and someone else does art for it; someone submits a picture, and someone else writes a story about it.
Of course, that bet of mine wasn't "Choose Your Own Erotic Adventure," it was "Choose Lila's Erotic Adventure and Enjoy Her Suffering!"
This time around, though, we can all work together to Choose Valkyrie's Erotic Adventure! Now that's some interactivity I'll really enjoy!
July 11 2004
Yoko posted the shortest blog entry I’ve ever seen... it was entitled “Round Two,” and it just said:
Whom will you vote for-- Lila or Valkyrie?
and then referred people to my July 9 entry.
So in the Comments section of that entry, Nicky wrote:
I'm thinking of voting for Lila, because she's more evil than Valkyrie, and as an American voter I'm tired of always voting for the lesser evil.
Hee hee! I do so love how Nicky thinks... (Or whatever it is he does... sometimes I get the feeling that what goes on in his reptilian head is so different from what most people call “thinking” that there needs to be a different word for it...)
Of course, it was also Nicky who emailed me and Valkyrie with the question that hadn’t occurred to either of us:
What if the vote is a tie?
Valkyrie and I agreed that in the event of a tie, the only practical solution was for Neige to cast the tie-breaking vote. I wrote to Neige and informed her of this, and she responded with a one-sentence email to me and Valkyrie:
Then let the bribery begin!
July 12 2004
Well, Valkyrie and I have set the date for what Yoko, in an email to Valkyrie, referred to as “the Showdown”: The day that we count the votes and the loser pays the price. It will be on Friday, August 6. We’ll be counting up the votes early in the day, probably by noon. If I win, I’ll post a brief blog entry right away to let you all know, and then I’ll post again much later with some details of Valkyrie’s punishment. If Valkyrie wins, she’ll probably make me post at some point, too. So start checking here by noon on August 6!
Another important announcement: Yoko has provided us with a little additional twist to the bet, but I can’t tell you about it right now, because there are certain aspects to this twist that might unfairly influence certain people’s votes. But she does want me to tell you about it before the day of the Showdown. So we’re setting a voting deadline: all votes must be sent to Valkyrie by 6 pm (that’s West Coast Time) on Friday, July 30 (one week before the Showdown). That way, I can reveal Yoko’s twist here that evening (or whenever it is that I have a chance to post that weekend). So vote before the 30th! Valkyrie will delete any votes recieved after the deadline.
And while I’m writing about Yoko...
I don’t maintain friendships, face-to-face. Just something about it I don’t deal with well. I have acquaintances and coworkers, who don’t really know me. I have lovers, all of whom are short-term-only, and with whom I do not maintain contact afterwards (though Valkyrie and Neige seem to be becoming exceptions). I have Nicky (who has a way of being an exception to everything) though I rarely actually see him. And now, since I started blogging, I have online friends, of whom the closest is Yoko. I’ve never met Yoko face-to-face, but I feel very close to her, from us reading each other’s blogs all the time, and corresponding so much, and just this affinity we’ve got for each other. I don’t plan on ever meeting her face-to-face, because the distance is what allows me to feel safe and relaxed enough to allow this prolonged sense of intimacy, and I’ve come to treasure that and don’t want to mess with it.
Anyway, because of this sense of intimacy I’ve got with Yoko, her involvement in the Big Memorial Day Bet made a gigantic difference. What really got to me wasn’t getting humiliated and displayed for the cruel amusement of my loyal readership... what really got to me was getting humilated and displayed for the cruel amusement of Yoko. I’m sure it still would have been thoroughly embarrassing, but because Yoko actually knows me, it added a whole new level. And of course, I also knew that Yoko was enjoying every bit of it... since much of it was being inflicted on me at her request!
Oh, that Yoko! What a woman! And with such an evil streak! I truly learned to fear her during that week of the Big Bet!
So now here I am in another crazy bet, another episode of “interactive erotica,” and of course Yoko is involved once again, and she’s sure to write to the winner with a list of cruel punishments she’s like to see inflicted upon the loser.
And here’s the funny part: right now Valkyrie and I are both totally psyched to have Yoko participating again, because each of us knows how much she scares the other one, and each of us thinks of collaborating with her as being part of the fun of winning. But each of us, every time we write to her and encourage her involvement, is very aware that whichever one of us loses is going to have serious cause to rue said encouragement.
An email conversation:
Yoko:
Geez-- am I glad that you, Neige, and Valkyrie live on the other coast! I can only imagine what you all would do to me if I were around!Me:
Don't think I haven't spent a lot of time thinking about that!Yoko:
Ooh, that's scary! I'm not going to think about it.
Yoko has cast her ballot already. We’re dying to know what it says.
July 15 2004
Valkyrie says that she’s surprised at how few “My Vote” emails she’s received so far. We were expecting a big voter turnout, because there’s been so much traffic on this site lately, and because so many people sent in suggestions for the Big Memorial Day Bet, and voting is much easier than actually having to think of suggestions. But then again, maybe voting is also less exciting than thinking of suggestions.
Personally, I don’t care how many votes are sent in, as long as more than half of them are for me. But I do hope that all you non-voters out there get over your apathy in time to kick Dubya’s ass out onto the hard Pennsylvania Avenue curb in November! That’s one election I care about even more than the one between me and Valkyrie. Hell, if I could donate all my votes to Kerry, I would. Better I should be tortured by Valkyrie for another day, than that America and the world be tortured for another four years.
Now I’m starting to get mental images of bondage-oriented political rallies. That should arouse (so to speak) some voter interest! A live election-night television broadcast by the Democratic party... get a lot of sexy left-leaning celebrities to volunteer to be tied up on national television... “For every state Kerry carries, we’ll cut off the clothing of one of tonight’s captives...” It would be a sad thing to have to use sex to sell people on participating in the democratic process, but it would be fun to watch!
Some search terms from my server logs:
give her bare butt a swat
please no more spank nooo
tickling cute jedi
July 16 2004
In response to the previous entry, Yoko emailed me to say:
I hate to admit it, but it seems to me that Valkyrie's awfully quiet this time around-- she was drumming up a lot of enthusiasm last time all over the place, which I'm sure contributed to the excitement in voting. Since both of you now have something at stake here, it's a totally different vibe-- rather hesitant, like "vote for me, please?" rather than "vote for me, goddammit!" And it's not (it seems to me) as clearcut as a Democrat vs. Republican race. I mean, do we vote for you out of fair play and retribution (and we know you got lots of energy in that department) or do we vote for Valkyrie, because twice is nice and we already know how much you can squirm? it's a quandary.
Very true... though I guess it’s not really much of a quandary for Yoko, since she was one of the first to cast her vote. But which way did she vote? Naturally, she won’t tell me. She does like to see me squirm...
I guess Valkyrie and I both figured that we didn’t have to “campaign” much in this election, because this site does get a fair amount of traffic. We just thought that most of the visitors would vote right away. Well, there’s still two weeks left until the voting deadline... a lot can happen in two weeks.
In the meantime, maybe I should start making campaign promises? I promise that if I win, I’ll make Valkyrie squirm as much as she could make me squirm!
So vote for me, goddammit!
July 24 2004
Only six days to go until the voting deadline, folks! Remember, even though the day of the Showdown isn’t for another week after that, we won’t be counting any votes recieved after the 30th, because of certain information which I’ll be posting here after the 30th that would unfairly bias some voters’ decisions.
So vote! Remember, to vote, just send an email entitled “My Vote” to Valkyrie at celticwarriorbitch@yahoo.com.
Nicky is finally posting entries again! So we finally have his perspective on this bet:
Tough choice... on the one hand, I’ve seen so much of Lila-as-bottom and almost nothing of Lila-as-top... on the other hand, Valkyrie seems like such a fine person that my conscience balks at the prospect of putting her at the mercy of a vengeful Lila...
So it’s a case of curiosity vs. conscience, huh? Hee hee... then I’ve got nothing to worry about there... I know from the times I’ve been tied up by Nicky that I can always trust his curiosity to overcome his conscience!
Valkyrie reports that more votes have finally started coming in in the past few days, from people we’d been hoping to hear from (though neither of us can guess which way any of them voted). Still nothing from Jennifer, Geminica, or Ace yet...
You know, Valkyrie’s never really been tied up before! She told me that she had a boyfriend with whom she played with bondage a little bit, but mostly she was the top. He tied her up twice, but she says that it was really brief, just a “loose tying of the hands during foreplay” thing, and that he wasn’t really the “topping type” and didn’t do anything that made her feel helpless or exposed or any of those other delicious feelings that make up a real bottoming experience. So we can’t really count that... if she didn’t feel helpless at all, then she doesn’t even have the slightest beginning of a hint as to what she’s in for! So really, for all intents and purposes, our big, tough Valkyrie is a virgin when it comes to being tied up!
Hee hee! We get to deflower a virgin!
And of course, the better part of a day in the power of me and Neige is a prospect that would frighten even dedicated, veteran submissives...
Of course, telling you this could either work in my favor, or against me. The more cruel among you are more likely to vote for me now, so that you can enjoy seeing me reduce this proud warrior-maiden to a quivering slave. On the other hand, some of you might be kind-hearted types who will now vote against me, to rescue the fair Valkyrie from her peril and to see me duly punished for my evil intent! Obviously, by writing this, I’m gambling that the majority of you are of the former, crueller type... my Memorial Day sufferings being ample evidence of this!
July 26 2004
Well, Valkyrie tells me that Geminica has now sent her vote in. Of course, since no one is allowed to open those “My Vote” emails until Neige opens them on the big day, recieving a vote doesn’t actually alleviate any suspense for me and Valkyrie. Instead of wondering about if and when Geminica will vote, now we get to wonder which way she voted... which is even more suspenseful!
Hey Geminica! If you’ve got any little greetings, gifts, and assorted cruelties you’d like me to pass on to Valkyrie from you if I win, send them to me anytime! I owe you one for letting me take that picture down so quickly, so if I win, you get to join in on the fun of my victory... even if it turns out you didn’t vote for me!
Four days until the voting deadline...
Yoko posted a blog entry listing her current obsessions, and then Geminica followed suit, and then so did Nicky, so now it’s officially a trend, so now I’m going to do it, too, so that people will think I’m cool... so here are my obsessions at the moment:
- Reading the novels of Tim Powers.
- Tracking down Tim Powers’ several out-of-print novels.
- Studying Tarot.
- Revisiting favorite books to discover the new levels of meaning that they’ve taken on now that I can understand the Tarot references in them.
- My bet with Valkyrie, of course!
- Maintaining my workout regimen.
- Imagining my aerobics instructor tied up.
Hey, Yoko’s taking her brown belt test in aikido this weekend! Go, Yoko! Kick ass!
July 29 2004
The voting deadline is tomorrow, folks! If you haven’t sent Valkyrie your vote yet, now is the time!
Valkyrie says that she’s recieved votes from nearly everyone she’d been expecting to hear from. Jennifer of Naked Oblivion sent her vote in (hi, Jennifer!), and also sent me a thought-provoking email that has inspired me to begin work on an entry that will be longer and much more serious than usual. I hope to have it done in the next week or two, though I’m not sure whether it will be before or after the Showdown on August 6.
Just before she took off for her big aikido weekend, Yoko posted a very brief blog entry. Knowing that her readers’ lives would be bleak and empty in her absence, she suggested that while we waited on her return, we could amuse ourselves with the Two Things Game.
Basically, the idea behind the Two Things Game is that any field of human knowledge or endeavor can be distilled down to the Two Things You Really Need to Know About It. So the game consists of picking fields that you know something about, and determining what the Two Things are for that field.
So here are my contributions, on my favorite topic:
The Two Things about bondage (for tops):
1. Have your own shit together first. Topping while upset or insecure is like drunk driving.
2. Afterwards, be gentle.
The Two Things about bondage (for bottoms):
1. Never forget that every time you let someone tie you up, you are literally entrusting your life to them.
2. If you wanted to be the one calling the shots, you should have been the top.
July 30 2004
Okay, folks, that’s it! The voting deadline has come and gone! Any votes recieved after this entry goes up will not be counted.
So now the votes that were sent to Valkyrie before the deadline (eleven, the last time I heard from her, but I haven’t heard from her in over 24 hours, and I’m sure a few people waited until the last minute) will sit unopened in her inbox, a source of agonizing suspense for the both of us until Neige opens them and counts them on August 6.
Now that the deadline has passed, I can finally tell you about the twist: the extra stakes that Yoko added to the bet. I’ll just reprint our email discussion about it...
Yoko:I gotta hand it to you, Lila-- you've got spunk.
So I'm going to add one more thing, if I may: dear Nicky, as a present for being an active participant in the Memorial Day bet, gave me a few beautiful photos of you that didn't end up on that site due to time constraints. I propose that if Valkyrie is voted as Top for the Day this time around, she gets to hijack your site one more time and I'll send her the photos to put up on your site, for old times' sake. If you get voted as top, the photos stay in my private collection and I'll never threaten to ask to display them ever again.
So, is it a deal?
Me:
Oh, you evil, evil wench. How could you do this to me?
Yoko:
Watch what you say, or I'll think of something else to add!
Me:
Damn... you've got me right where you want me, haven't you? I know that if I don't take the deal, you'll find another way to torture me with those photos someday, won't you? So I guess I'd better take it.
Will you at least take pity on me and vote for me to win?
Yoko:
Heh. Maybe. Maybe not.
Me:
Damn... you and your evil streak! Now I've got more at stake than Valkyrie once again... or do I? Maybe not... at least being tortured by her won't be anything I haven't survived before! She, on the other hand, has never been tied up by a couple of evil girls before...
Yoko
(after I posted a couple of
entries without mentioning
this new twist on the bet):Oh wait-- are you not going to mention my added twist to the voting on your site?! Are you afraid it'll sway the voters against you?
Me:
Yes, that's exactly what I'm afraid of! It's the same factor that Nicky had in mind when he suggested that only women should be allowed to vote on whether those pictures of me got posted: if I announce your twist, then every single male reader of mine (except maybe Nicky and Ace) will vote against me just because they want to see breasts (or whatever parts of me those damn pictures show... I shudder to think about it).
Tell you what: once we've set the date, we'll declare a voting deadline... like all votes have to be sent in by a week before the big day. I'll announce your twist as soon as the deadline is past, so that readers will know about it in advance, but won't be able to base their votes on it. Fair?
Yoko:
Okay-- that's fair. I've already told Valkyrie about it, so she knows what to expect if she wins!
So now you know the whole story. The only photos that I’ve seen from the Big Memorial Day Bet are the ones that were posted at that time, and those were excruciatingly humiliating... I have no idea what’s in the photos that Yoko’s got, and I’m scared to find out. So of course, I’ve been in a frenzy of anxiety over the outcome of the bet, as Yoko intended!
Losing would be bad enough already, what with whatever Valkyrie and Neige would do to me this time, and with missing my shot at revenge... but this makes it so much worse! I know that whatever’s in those photos, I really don’t want anyone seeing them! It’s already unbearably embarassing just to think that Yoko’s seen them!
Ah, that Yoko! Gotta admire her evilness. And if I do win, that evilness will work in my favor for once: she’s promised to send me some “juicy suggestions.”
I really hope I win...
July 31 2004
Ha ha ha ha ha! Remember in the previous entry, when I said that I hadn’t heard from Valkyrie for the past day, so I didn’t know how many last-minute votes had come in?
There were over a hundred... all from the same person!
It was a last-minute attempt at ballot-stuffing from dear Sam, the “Super Freak” girl, who deserves some sort of title like “Clown Princess of Bondage.” Sam found a loophole in the terms of the bet: we forgot to say anything about “one vote per person.” Ha ha ha ha! Oh, Sam, you rock!
Sam told me a couple of weeks ago that she was going to vote for me, so her ballot-stuffing (brilliantly timed so that no one else would be able to counter-stuff before the deadline) would have meant a landslide victory for me.
Alas, after a quick email conference, Valkyrie and Neige outvoted me, ruling that the spirit of the law took precedence over the flawed letter of the law in this case, and that only one of Sam’s votes counted. Which is grossly unfair, since the two of them were only too happy to go with the flawed letter of the law during the last bet, when the loophole that Nicky found worked against me instead of for me. Phooey!
Oh, well... thanks for trying, Sam... it’s too bad that Valkyrie and Neige are cheating by not letting us cheat! In case I manage to win anyway, let me know how you’d like me to punish Valkyrie for voting against counting your votes!