March 18 2004

Yesterday was Saint Patrick's Day, and, as Valkyrie and I are both proud Irish-Americans (despite the Nordic nickname I've stuck her with), we decided to go out for a proper Irish corned-beef dinner, and then to go off to a proper Irish pub and get properly Irishly drunk.

And there was much rejoicing.

Somewhere in all that proper Irish rejoicing, we got into a "true confessions" session, and I got much more forthcoming about myself than I usually do outside of online-journal-land.

At some point, I started telling her about My First Time Tied Up, and somewhere in there I mentioned that I wasn't telling the story very well in my inebriated state, but that I'd been amazed at how good my recall was when I wrote the whole thing out in my blog.

"You've got a blog?"

Oops. I hadn't told her about the blog.

I'd told Neige, my previous lover, about it, back when I'd just started it and it was a big novelty I wanted to share. And then I'd regretted having told her, because I really, really want to keep my online identity separate from my real-life identity, I really, really treasure the anonymity I've got here, and I'm really, really wary of exposing too much of my life to my lovers, because I prefer to keep the duration of my relationships limited, and to make a clean break of things at the end.

So I'd decided not to tell my future lovers about the blog. But now I'd let it slip, and here we were in the midst of a proper Irish drunken confessional session, so what the heck, I just took the plunge and told her all about it, rambled on and on, and scrawled the URL on a napkin for her.

The first thing she said to me when she came by my place this evening was, “Holy shit, woman, your website is fucking amazing!” She’d spent most of the day reading the entire thing. She was totally blown away. She made me blush with her praise for my writing, told me I should be writing erotica professionally, told me about all the parts that had made her think, inspired her, turned her on. Asked me lots of questions about it, about the experience of creating it.

The conversation went on for quite some time, as we had a snack and some wine and sat around on my bed. Eventually, she said, “So why’d you stop writing?”

“What?”

“Why’d you stop? It’s been exactly one month, to the day, since you wrote a new entry.”

“A month?” I said. “Really? No way... It’s really been a whole fucking month?”

“To the day. How could you leave your readers hanging like that, you heartless wench?”

I started explaining to her how busy I’d been, and how, in fact, the main thing I’d been busy with was her.

“Hey, don’t try to blame it on me,” she said. “If I’d known before this that you had this awesome website, I would have made sure you wrote in it. It’s your fault for not telling me sooner. You know what I think? I think you’re a big tease, with your cliffhanger endings and shit. Remember that entry where you said that maybe you needed someone to tie you up and make you write?”

Then she pounced on me.

And that, dear reader, is why I, your humble (and freshly humbled) narrator, am sitting at my computer stark naked right now, typing this entry with my wrists handcuffed together and my ankles handcuffed to my chair.

That evil bitch Valkyrie, who is lounging luxuriously on my bed, enjoying my wine and my comic books, has ordered me to inform you that you can expect the full story of "My Third Time Tied Up" in the next few weeks.

Okay, she’s read over this entry and given it her Evil Bitch Seal of Approval. Now to post it, so you can all share in her evil amusement... and then, I suppose, I’ll find out what else I’ll be required to do to get these cuffs taken off.

Bitch.

 

March 20 2004

It’s been a hot, sunny, lazy, and luxurious Saturday. And what’s the perfect way to end such a lovely day?

I wouldn’t know.

But I’ll tell you what isn’t the perfect way to end such a lovely day: catching up on my writing while stripped naked and handcuffed, for the second time in as many days, while my evil bitch of a lover, who is eight years younger than me, and bigger and stronger, and who cheats (cheats!) at wrestling, lounges luxuriously on my bed, speculating gleefully as to how amused my readers will be at my unfortunate and not at all funny predicament, and hinting at the punishments she’ll inflict on me if I fail to describe said predicament to my readers, and probably planning to inflict them on me anyway just because she’s an evil bitch.

Oh, sure, go ahead and laugh. How would you like it if your life got turned into an erotic lesbian version of Stephen King’s Misery?

This embarrassing but thankfully brief entry is just the wrap-up of an hour-long involuntary nude writing session, in which I wrote the beginning of my account of “My Third Time Tied Up.” It looks like this one is going to be my longest story yet. Valkyrie, despite being in all ways thoroughly evil and despicable, agrees with my policy of posting all the parts of a serialized story during a single month, so that they all show up on the same page in this blog’s “one page per month” format. Since there’s no way I’ll get this one finished by the end of this month, “My Third Time Tied Up” wil be serialized here in April.

In the meantime, Valkyrie, following the link I posted last month, has read the first four parts of The Inanna Dialogue, my ongoing and recently-neglected collaboration with Nickykaa in his journal, and she’s decreed that I’ll be neglecting my end of that project no longer. So this is probably my last entry here until “My Third Time Tied Up” starts running in April, but meanwhile, watch Nickykaa’s journal for part five of The Inanna Dialogue.

Okay, time to post this, and then to see what other humiliations that evil bitch has in store for me tonight.