February 2004
February 8 2004
Yoko posted this “chain list” in her blog, after picking it up from someone else’s blog. Here are the instructions she provided:
1. Copy this whole list into your blog.
2. Bold things that you have in common with me.
3. Whatever you don't bold, replace with things about you.
Which means that in my version of the list, below, everything in bold was written by Yoko, and was left in by me because it was true of me as well, and everything that isn’t in bold was written by me, and is something that I don’t have in common with Yoko, or else maybe something that Yoko just didn’t mention.
Yoko’s version is here, if you want to compare us.
Here's mine:
01. I'm left-handed.
02. I spend a lot of time in front of computers.
03. I love to read.
04. I think I’m the smartest person in my office by far, though that doesn’t bother me.
05. I am obsessive about details.
06. When I cook, I usually stick to the recipe.
07. I am a bit of an escapist.
08. I don’t wear glasses or contacts.
09. Things i will always talk about include: interesting things I've read, and sex.
10. I like cats, but I never keep pets of any kind, because I don’t like the thought of anything being that dependent on me.
11. I like the monkeys that I know.
12. Despite the intensity of my dreams, I’m told I’m a very quiet sleeper.
13. I've never been to Bermuda, and have minimal interest in going.
14. I've been to Canada. I want to go to Europe and Australia.
15. I have no sense of direction, but my spatial ability isn’t too bad.
16. I enjoy a variety of musical styles.
17. I can be rather reserved.
18. I like to go for long walks.
19. I take pills every day.
20. i can be an early morning person, and I can be an all night person, as long as I get plenty of coffee.
21. I own very little jewelry, aside from a wide assortment of earrings.
22. I need to be more confident in asking for what I want face to face. I’m great at asking for it in personals ads.
23. I have very strong limits about how far I’ll let anyone into my life.
24. I like being female.
25. I don’t call myself a feminist. Feminists are those sour-faced man-haters who call me a “gender traitor” for letting guys tie me up. The feminist motto seems to be, “Don’t let men tell you what to do, let us tell you what to do.” Screw feminism! I believe in Girl Power!
26. Alchemy interests me somewhat, as a weird thing that’s sometimes fascinating to read about, but not as something I’d actually do.
27. In the online friendships I’ve begun to form since I started blogging, I try to answer any direct questions people ask me about myself, and I love it when they ask. Offline, I’m a very private person.
28. My family is pretty close all things considered.
29. I find cleaning and organizing enjoyable, when I'm up for doing it.
30. I like making my bed, but I don't.
31. Animal rights isn’t a subject I usually think about very much.
32. I like baby animals, but don't fawn over them.
33. I want an explanation for everything.
34. I am a hardcore homebody in the wintertime.
35. I hate the word "tolerance" in its current connotations.
36. I think unions are often de-motivating, but i think more workers should organize.
37. I hope the democrats can come up with a good candidate, but I am cynical.
38. I have problems paying attention during long conversations if I feel I'm being talked "at."
39. I used to be overly concerned with the past, but I'm not anymore.
40. I am the alpha female at home, which is easy when you live alone.
41. I really enjoy thoughtful gifts.
42. I hate driving.
43. I lie fairly well, but I'd rather not.
44. I’ve been a cigarette smoker since I was 16.
45. I have no interest in being a housewife.
46. I am currently reading a book called The Qabalistic Tarot.
47. I like kids, but I never want to be a mother.
48. I have a tv, and enjoy it, but I could live happily without television.
49. I think lack of courtesy and empathy is the rule, not the exception, among among humans in any time and place.
50. The only time I sleep 15+ hours a day is when I’m sick.
51. I like silence.
52. I like other people to drive me around, if they're safe drivers.
53. Getting my head rubbed makes me feel happy and peaceful. My hair brushed does the same thing, too.
54. I don't know how to garden.
55. I think young people should wash their hair and bathe more often.
56. I don't like lipstick all that much.
57. I own a small amount of herbal tea, but mostly I drink coffee or water.
58. I do not alphabetize my books or my CDs, although I will group them by author/performer.
59. I am not a member of the mile high club.
60. I used to be a worrier but now I'm not.
61. I am employed.
62. In terms of frivolity and hijinks, I'm pretty compatible with others at work, which is great.
63. I like myself.
64. I’m never having children.
65. I have some wacky dreams.
66. I like to people watch.
67. When people know a lot about a subject, I ask them questions about it if something arouses my curiosity about that subject.
68. I love to dance, but I haven't had the motivation to do so lately.
69. I hate crowds.
70.I have smoked pot, but I've stopped because I didn’t like the way it made me feel.
71. I challenge notions about masculinity and femininity, but don't think much of androgyny
72. I don't mind going to the bank.
73. I am angry at the current leader of this country.
74. I can say no.
75. I have been discriminated against on the basis of my gender, class, age, and religious and ethnic origins.
76. Sex? Yes, please.
77. I don't mind answering questions about sex.
78. I like sex toys.
79. The possibility of gwb being president again makes me really really angry.
80. I'm obsessed with reading online diaries, and I wish that more of the ones I read had naughty bits.
81. I have two brothers.
82. I manage to come to work on time, though I’m prone to staying late.
83. I love lakes.
84. I consider myself to be intelligent.
85. I'm not a diarylander.
86. I daydream a lot.
87. I spend a lot of time dating.
88. I don't particularly like crossword puzzles.
89. I have never been on Friendster, nor will I ever be.
90. I have no cats right now (see #10).
91. I'm not superstitious.
92. I’ve never wished I was a redhead.
93. I own a cellphone, but usually keep it turned off.
94. I love email.
95. I am judgmental, although I try to see things from other points of view.
96. Often, I just want people to hear what I say and talk to me about it.
97. I like to help people.
98. My family has been in America for over a century now.
99. I’ve never tried to do the Sunday New York Times crossword puzzle.
100. I can be rather funny, and I love to laugh.
Pass it on.
February 10 2004
Bitter Pie moved to NYC for a few weeks, and it sucked for her, and now she’s moved back to San Francisco. She’s been having a rough time of things lately, though I get the very strong impression, from her music, writing, and comics, that she’s always had a rough time of things.
And she turns it all into so much dark but touching beauty! She’s a big hero of mine, and I recently got the nerve up to write and tell her. In her January 29 blog entry, she printed a piece of hate mail she got from some man-hating feminist who was mad at her for not being a proper representative of the feminist agenda (because Bitter Pie admits to doubt, weakness, depression, and (gasp!) liking a boy).
This really pissed me off (obviously, it was still on my mind when I wrote item 25 of the list in the entry before this one), because, as I said, Bitter Pie is a big hero of mine. In fact, it was her example, particularly the courage she showed in relating intimate details of a life far more weird and painful than mine, that gave me the courage to create this blog, and to write openly about my weird sexual history.
So I wrote to Bitter Pie and told her so. And she printed my letter in her blog today! Wow!
Hey, look at that! A paragraph beginning with “and,” and another one beginning with “so”! Beginning sentences and paragraphs with “and,” “so,” and “but” is a new habit that I’m deliberately picking up from Nickykaa. I like how it works in his writing. It makes it sound, in my head, like I’m being told a joke: “So the guy with the duck up his ass says...”
But when I first tried to start doing it, I discovered that I was actually a little scared. Suddenly, I could hear horrible old Sister Mary Patricia from elementary school, sneering, “We do not begin sentences with conjunctions.”
Weird. All that kinky sex, and my Catholic guilt doesn’t bother me, but try to deviate from the formal rules of grammar, and suddenly I feel like I should be running to the nearest confessional.
But then I figured, what the hell, if Sister Mary Patricia has been reading my blog, she’s probably already dropped dead of apoplexy.
And speaking of Nickyaa: most of my regular readers are probably also regular readers of Nickykaa’s journal (he and Ace are quite adamant about calling their journals “journals,” rather than “blogs"). But for those who aren’t, check out the entries entitled "The Inanna Dialogue, Part One" and "The Inanna Dialogue, Part Two." These entries are actually co-written by me (well, Part Two is really just Nickykaa responding to what I wrote in Part One). Nickykaa and I are engaged in a voluminous email conversation, and, as the conversation develops, Nickykaa is reprinting it in his journal. I’ve sent him my part of Part Three already, by the way, so it’s his fault that it’s not up yet.
It’s a good thing I got out of work early today and got this entry written, because between The Inanna Dialogue and my letter in Bitter Pie’s blog, it was starting to look like this month I was going to end up with more of my writing in other people’s blogs than in my own.
I bought my first Tarot deck last week, and I’m spending all my spare time learning Tarot (which Nickykaa once told me was a language, and now I agree with him). But you can read more about that in “The Inanna Dialogue, Part Three,” whenever Nickykaa gets off his butt and finishes it.
February 18 2004
I’m home on a long lunch break, and I thought I’d do a quick check-in before heading back to work. After all, I wouldn’t want you all to think I’d forgotten you.
I’ve been busy: reading, studying Tarot, co-writing The Inanna Dialogue with Nickykaa, working, trying to get to Pilates classes more consistently...
And getting pinned down and tied up! Hooray!
Yes, after a frustrating dry spell, that personals ad I started running back in November finally hooked me a spanking new playmate, just in time for Valentine’s Day. (“spanking new,” get it? Ha ha).
In case you’ve forgotten, the ad went like this:
Smartass skinny white female seeks indoor playmate to pin me down and tie me up. You: female, 18-38, athletic but not butch, prefer silk to leather, evil sense of humor.
So I spent a glorious 3-day Valentine’s weekend at the home of my new playmate, whom I’ll call Valkyrie. She’s 8 years younger than me and outweighs me by about 20 pounds. Boy, am I ever sore! I lost about a dozen wrestling matches and won zero. Every time I lost, I had to endure Valkyrie keeping me pinned in some highly uncomfortable position while she taunted me for being wimpy and out of shape. That sort of humiliation gets me unbelievably turned on. And of course, she did a lot of other things to me, too. Heaven!
When The Inanna Dialogue is done, I’ll try to find time to write out my next bondage memoir. In the meantime, if you don’t hear from me, you’ll know I’m having fun.